Shame on you if you thought something Freudian.
The main character of my most recent novel (and all of my novels come to think of it...I need to branch out) is a man. I have a special interest in "issues of masculinity" in my therapy practice because there are many things about being male in this culture which I believe we have never taken a long, unbiased, honest look at. I loved learning about Man Policing: the act of checking a man when he says something which is considered effeminate. It cracks me up that certain companies have made whole advertising campaigns based on this concept. It seems what you drink is the thing which needs to be policed for masculinity the most. But it doesn't stop there. What we wear, what we are interested in, what we drive, how we pass our time...all are apparently part of the male expression.
But does hunting gear really validate my masculinity or just fill a market? And why is that labeled as masculine whereas something like...I don't know...fine motor skills is just neutral and either gender can use it without it having to fit in a column (i.e. a mechanic vs. a seamstress; both use fine motor skills).
I catch myself when writing my main character hearing the judgements of man policing. He's not a "manly man." He's not a wimp either.As William Pollack pointed out in Real Boys, men are often defined by what they're not rather than what they are (paraphrased). But to look at the whole wimp thing, the whole effeminate thing, I think it's pretty telling of the only thing men can point at and say "that's what makes me a man."
Being strong.
The most horrifying times of my life, times when I felt like less of a man, was when I was powerless...weak. It gave me only one choice: stuff it and soldier on. To be strong is a black and white subject. You can't be "kinda strong" and be "kinda a man." That's flimsy. Corruptible. Weak. One are the other. Choose. And in choosing strength you become strong. Resolute. Unbending. A man. Nevermind everything else you are experiencing. No wonder no man ever admits having trepidation, even if it's just a little.
So I've decided to bring a new definition of strength in my main character, Jeff. I want him to transcend the black and white of "I'm a strong man" vs. "I'm weak and no longer a man." I want Jeff to be measured by a bigger, longer ruler (shame on you again, Freudian). I want his strength and manhood to be measured by how much he can change. I want Jeff to be strong enough to adapt and overcome through weakness without running from it. I want him to rise to the occasion (shame). I want Jeff to measured by how much he can evolve because I have to believe we all can.
Now...you have any ideas on how I can write that?
